Dear Lovebug,
Healers do not only hide by staying quiet or refusing to share their gifts. We can also hide inside roles that make us feel powerful, indispensable, or powerless.
In the spiritual version of the drama triangle, these roles appear as the bully, the rescuer, and the victim. They are not labels for who we are, but protective postures we may move through when stepping fully into our gifts feels too vulnerable, uncertain, or demanding.
The bully hides behind superiority and entitlement:
We have done enough spiritual work. We should not have to prove ourselves, deepen our experience, or keep developing our craft. Clients should simply arrive—and if they do not, perhaps the world is not ready for what we carry.
Even charging beyond the depth of experience we can responsibly offer can become a way of declaring value rather than embodying it. The bully tries to take power from the world before learning how to hold power with humility, skill, and integrity.
The rescuer hides inside self-sacrifice:
Healing is everyone’s right, so we must make sure people receive it—even when they are unwilling or unready to participate.
What looks like devotion can become over-functioning when we work harder for someone’s transformation than they do. Instead of helping people awaken their own power, the rescuer makes their results our responsibility. In trying to save everyone, we give our power away and quietly teach others to give theirs away too.
The victim hides behind circumstances:
No one sees us. The economy is difficult. Social media is saturated. The algorithm, AI, louder healers, or everything that has happened to us makes it impossible to be recognized or find clients.
These obstacles may be real, but when they become the entire explanation, they relieve us of participation.
Together, all three roles keep the endless cycles of the 'Hero's Journey' alive:
We either need a hero, we must somehow become the hero, or we already are the hero. This is the spell of martyrdom—waiting for power, taking power, or forcing power instead of embodying it.
The breakthrough is the embodied healer: the one who neither gives power away, takes it from others, nor forces it upon them. This is the healer’s journey from having a gift to becoming grounded enough to carry it.
At The Healer’s Code Academy, we help practitioners reprogram the patterns that keep them hidden, awaken their own power, and turn spiritual calling into ethical, sustainable service.
In our Friday Morning Jam, we explored these three roles more deeply—and uncovered an unexpected revelation about the hero cycle along the way.
We invite you to watch the replay to discover which role may be keeping your gifts in hiding.
With love,
Matt and Joy Kahn
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