Hello {{first_name}},
You can have real gifts, years of inner work, and a deep desire to serve—and still find yourself struggling when it’s time to be seen, share your work, or lead others.
For an emerging healer, coach, or leader, this can bring up a painful question: How can we help others when we’re still going through something ourselves?
Sometimes that question becomes pressure to appear further along than we are. We give more, hide what we feel, or reach for a spiritual explanation instead of acknowledging what needs our attention.
In one of most recent Morning Jams, Why You Can’t Rush Your Way Out of Depression, we explore this through our own experiences of depression, success, and service. In our experience, it’s about the relationship we have with ourselves while we’re trying to make a difference in the world.
Looking Stable Isn’t the Same as Feeling Stable
We have both had periods of success alonside depression and instability that helped us develop our inner strength and the capacity for more happiness in our lives today. Everything looked 'good' on the outside, while inside our hearts were breaking and energy felt depleted.
Being needed and supporting others can feel like relief during times of instability, but doesn't give us the inner stability to sustain our work without abandoning ourselves. We can serve others, but must take the time we need to care for and serve our needs as well. That often begins by releasing any judgements you are making about our experience. Your feelings of instability are not a reason to talk badly to yourself or expect yourself to be in a state that is not true to your experience.
Build Capacity, Rather Than Force a Breakthrough
Trying to jump from depression into bliss can add pressure to an already painful experience. When the leap doesn’t happen, we may turn that disappointment against ourselves.
We recommend small daily micro-steps to help you reconnect with life. This focus can shift you from demanding a different feeling to developing a different relationship with life.
If you are someone who serves others, that means practicing skills: recognizing your capacity, communicating a boundary, asking for support, and choosing a next step you can actually sustain. These are also capacities that support a values-aligned practice, rather than one built on overgiving.
Receiving appropriate care, including medication, is not a spiritual failure. Neither is admitting that you need support.
You don’t need to perform being beyond your humanity. You need room to participate honestly in your own growth—and bring that honesty into the relationships through which you serve.
Watch our full conversation: Why You Can’t Rush Your Way Out of Depression to explore the difference between appearing stable and building inner stability, and why small steps matter.
With love,
Matt and Joy Kahn
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