Dearest Lovebug,
Some moments don't go as imagined. We say something or do something and the response from others is unexpected. Misunderstandings are at the heart of most communication mishaps so we wanted to dive into that topic with you today.
When someone gets you wrong, the instinct to correct them is the exact thing that costs you the most.
We all know the feeling. You are in a conversation, a meeting, or a relationship, and someone mischaracterizes what you said. They put you on the spot. They frame you in a way that feels unfair or inaccurate. Instantly, the ego flares up. The heart rate rises. The immediate, burning need is to set the record straight—to say, "No, that's not what I meant," "You're misunderstanding me." or “You’re not seeing me clearly.”
We conflate being misunderstood with being wrong. We mistake defensiveness for integrity. We think that if we don't correct the frame, we are somehow losing.
This pattern runs especially deep in spiritual communities. Many of us have been taught that correcting others is a form of integrity — that when someone mischaracterizes us, we owe it to ourselves and to the truth to set the record straight. We call it "speaking our truth." And there is something noble-sounding about that phrase.
But here is what we have come to understand: truth is not a universal consensus. Your truth is your lived experience. Their truth is theirs. When you insist on correcting someone else's frame, you are not defending the truth — you are defending your version of it. And that is a very different thing.
But there is a different way to handle being put on the spot.
Years ago, when Matt was an up-and-coming intuitive in Los Angeles, he got what he thought was his big break. He was invited to be a guest on the Kevin and Bean Show on KROQ, one of the biggest alternative radio stations in the country. He walked into the studio, met the hosts he had listened to for years, and sat down at the microphone. They were incredibly warm and welcoming off-air.
Then the green light went on.
"Hey, welcome to the Kevin and Bean Show," the host said live on the air. "We're here with Fake Psychic Matt."
For three segments, they roasted him. It was brutal. It was the first interview he had ever done, and he was being mocked live on the radio by professional comedians.
In that moment, Matt realized something that became a guiding principle—not just for media, but for life. He realized: The interviewer is never wrong.
If you correct the interviewer, you become confrontational. You lose the audience. You lose the flow. Instead of fighting the frame they put him in, Matt found a way to answer their questions that bridged back to his truth, without ever making them wrong for asking it. He stayed grounded. He didn't defend himself. He just kept building bridges.
This is the rule of the interview, and it is the rule of life.
When someone comes at you with a misunderstanding, a projection, or a harsh judgment, your ego will scream at you to correct them. It will tell you that you must defend your character. But true grace under fire is realizing that you don't have to fight their frame to hold your truth.
You don't have to make them wrong to be right.
When you stop trying to correct how others see you, you reclaim all the energy you were spending on defense. You can simply listen to what they are saying, acknowledge their perspective, and build a bridge back to what is true for you.
Where in your life are you exhausting yourself trying to correct someone else's misunderstanding of you? What would happen if you stopped fighting their frame, and simply built a bridge instead?
If you are ready to to step out of the exhausting cycle of defensiveness, come join us on tour this year. We will be diving deep into how to hold your center when the world tries to pull you out of it.
If you loved our recent QUE offering, please come join us for an immersive weekend of activations and expansion. Whether you are called to this experience for your own personal journey or to add it to your emerging healing practice, you will leave this weekend with a greater sense of alignment and what it's like to truly live with your Essence fully embodied.
With love,
Matt and Joy Kahn
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